


shaken to my heart

by Cookie_Cronch (Painful_Panda)



Series: define guilt. [2]
Category: Cookie Run (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Human, Crying, Curses, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Nightmares, Out of Character, Past Relationship(s), References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, Tags May Change, Touch-Starved, Trans Male Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-01-06 13:37:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18389498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Painful_Panda/pseuds/Cookie_Cronch
Summary: "If I fail the act, then I've lost all my chances at happiness..."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> made this because I have no self-control
> 
> I don't consider this canon or whatever to the universe so, don't hunt me down
> 
> the time I'm writing this on - 12:21 AM
> 
> I'm tired there might be mistakes but will I fix them?
> 
> idk and frankly i dont care i just want sleep

You wake up in a panicked gasp, you're shaking and sweating, now gasping for oxygen to fill your lungs. When you were finally able to calm down, you looked around at your surroundings. It's dark, but you were laying down under a window that was flooding the room with moonlight. Small space, tile floors, leather seating... Tour bus. You're on a tour bus.

 

You did it. You're here. In the past. 

 

"L-Lemon! LeMOooONnN!!" You tried to get up from where you are, not fully realizing the spell hasn't completely taken its full effect yet. So you fall down. Loudly and impactful at that. A half-empty cup of Starbucks from the nearby table had tipped over and spilled on your head, the sickening familiar sweet stench of that stupid mango dragonfruit lemonade that Lemon was always drinking had always made you sick. You always smelt it on his breath. 

 

There's a loud commotion going on from the outside that went on for a few seconds more before it got quiet, now there were footsteps coming from the entrance of the bus. They got louder... "Treesus-!" A soft, somewhat panicked voice yelled out, "Jay! Are you alright?"

 

"Agh, yeah, I'm fine-!" You took a deep breath in, "Sorry about your drink."

 

Lemon stepped over, he was in his new darker clothing, "Oh, right. Whatever, you still owe me for stealing my clothes for your... 'Fan service' last time, so..."

 

"Yeah, yeah, just help me up, ya nerd."

 

"Heh. Sorry." Lemon knelt down and helped you get on your feet, your legs still feel a bit tingly, but you can manage. He sighs and sits in the spot where you were sleeping a bit ago, you sit next to him. "What happened? I know you get some weird dreams, but you sounded really terrified this time. Is something wrong?"

 

You shook your head, "It's nothing."

 

"You sure? Was it that weird furry dream again?"

 

You chuckle, ' _Well when you put it that way, it doesn't sound as horrifying as that thing..._ '.

 

"Nah, it wasn't." You responded.

 

"Are you _sure_ , Jay?"

 

"Yes, I'm _positive_." 

 

Lemon sighed, crossing his arms and laying back. "Whatever."

 

You look down at the moonlit tiles and took a deep breath. "What day is it?"

 

"You serious? It's Thursday." You looked at him, he seemed to get worried again, "U-Uh, the seventh of February-"

 

_[5:48 PM] MUFFIN BOY: I'm sorry. I can't do anything right._

 

"Time?"

 

"It's twelve in the morning... DJ, why are you-"

 

"We have to get to Strawberry Square. Now."

 

Lemon slight concerned expression fell to panic, "W-What?! You're not serious?! It'll take two days to get there!" You get up. That's not true, in the non-manipulated past, you took the wheel and pretty much made a long trip short. Although you're not sure if you'll feel as brave enough to do it now then you did last time.

 

"Not if we wait here and chat. We'll have to make a rush for it."

 

"As much as I enjoy going fast," Lemon gets up as well, "This is a _tour bus_. _Your tour bus_. Speeding isn't going to be very good. Plus, this is so unnecessary!"

 

Your phone. The texts that were supposed to be there at around five may not be there, but everything else Rockstar texted? You wanted to show them to him. "Get me my phone. It should be in that weird cookie jar. I'm going to warm up the bus." You take a few steps to go to the front of the bus.

 

His hand is on your shoulder, he's stopping you, "Why is your phone in there...? Why are we doing this- Jay, you're not making any fucking sense!"

 

"Listen to me, _Leo_! If you just do it, _maybe_ I can explain myself!"

 

He let go of you. There's an awful feeling in your gut, but he simply gives a shrug, "Fine. This better be a good explanation, or I'm kicking your ass."

 

You leave to the front of the bus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thee? curs'd on a weekday? god, thou art very much pathetic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where the formatting will get really fucked up and i'll cry like a little bitch about it

February 18th, 20XX. You were the last one to get the curse. It happened when you were walking with Lemon and Whipped Cream, doing pretty mundane things together. Shopping and planned movie. You didn't want to go. Not really. But why would you turn down your friend's efforts into cheering you up? You went along. And it was fun for a while.

 

Lemon wanted to go to Hot Topic to go see find something to wear for his next 'guy night'. You and Whipped knew 'guy night' was just another word for another date with Hero, despite the fact he says he's not in a relationship with him. Whipped was raving over a Blackheart Beauty makeup kit that had nice colors with glitter mixed in. And you had fun looking over Madoka Magica merch along with other anime stuff.

 

Your artificial eyes caught sight of Rockstar's esteemed Goth Parade outfit. And the price you found on it was expensive...

 

That was the original, the one he wore. The one that Rockstar, before death, wished for it to be donated to help fund centers that hold homeless teens. Unfortunately... He didn't get that wish. 

 

_"The money could be used for better things. He's inconsiderate to the people who made him famous in the first place!"_

 

You realized there was a whole section dedicated "in memory" of him. It was just a line of merchandise. Ugly, stupid, cheaply made stuff. Stuff that even Rockstar himself didn't even like. There were piles of book, new, fresh copies of Rockstar's same worn out diary, only changing it with a new cover. His own personal journal. He didn't give any consent for his information to be shared like that, in life or death. 

 

But it's always the money that makes people turn the other cheek. You softly asked yourself, ' _Will... That be me someday?_ '

 

You couldn't tell if it was really his voice or not, or just you imagining him. His voice was distant, emotionless. Yet raw, as if he cried many times. His dead words mumbled comfort into your ears only. The intense feeling of cold fear before numbness couldn't be forgotten. It was like you forgot how to control your breathing. Painfully and quietly, he took away your panicking state of mind, numbing you out as you drift off from the lack the oxygen to keep your focus on reality.

 

"You passed out at hot topic. Don't worry, you gave everyone a scare, but you'll be fine!" Whipped chirped when you woke up.

 

_'didn't feel fine, did it?'_

 

"You're just dramatic. The fool is dead. He can't hurt you." Mint grumbled.

 

_'don't believe him.'_

 

"I know what you're going through. You'll be okay soon, I'm sure of it!" Kiwi tried to comfort you.

 

_'no one knows what you're going through. not really.'_

 

You couldn't go anywhere with hearing him. His words were supposed to be comforting, but all you felt was dread. Every time you went out in public, you heard him. Every time you went out as "DJ" you can hear him, his rotting features worsening. The sweeter his words, the more anxiety you felt, the worst you were in the public eye. It was getting to the point where it was a continuous loop, losing motivation, losing your already weak grip on sanity...

 

... Your self-control.

  

"Why couldn't you stay dead?!"

 

Pause. A long, agonizing silence. Calm before the storm. Those same cloudy, unblinking eyes, staring at you. In the reflection of the mirror, you watched him raise his hand, watched it shoot straight for your neck. The mirror shattered.

 

You were stuck where you were, the shards drew your blood everywhere. There was intense pressure on your neck, growing tighter, oh god, ohgodohgodoHGODOHGOD your neck is going to break-

 

That familiar voice was hushed to a desperate whisper.

 

' _you don't mean that, right? please tell me you were lying. please tell me. please say it. say it. say it, saY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY I **T, SAY IT** ,  **SAY IT, SAYIT, SAYITSAYITSAYITSAYS̶̢̢̧̼̙̩̝͖̱̻̘̬̘͓̞̝̦̟͈̗͚̉̅ͩ̎̈́̑̿͊͒͋̈ͮ̀͑̽̊A̷̸̷̧͕̫̗͚̟̗̜̰̤̮̙͉̮̱̺̯̅̍̂͆ͦͪ͝Y̶̸̧̢͈͖̺̫͕͔̖̙̻͚̘̝ͯ͌ͧ̐ͬ̑̇͋̅ͯͅͅĪ̈́̂ͤͪ̔̄̋ͪ͐̽̇͛͆҉̮̬̗̗͙̪͇̮͍̗͕̖Ṫ̂́́͛̆ͤͨ̒͆͌̒̚͏̶̢̢̩͇̪͚̪̫̝̤̱̖̺Sͥͥ̊̋͆́ͧ̎ͮ̇̎ͩ̂̈̑ͫ̾͞͏̻̦͙̞A̷ͬͩͬ̍ͬ̂͠҉̩̱̖̲͔̘͔͓̤̦̰̝̯̩͇Y̛̹̯͇̟ͦ̃͒̊ͪ̿̅̽͘͢͢I̸̱͕̱͕̘͉̞̤͍̲̹̱̞̫̿ͣ̀̑ͨͩ̊̽̐͗̔ͦ͊̊̕͝T̨̨̲͎̞̤͕̜͖̭̖̟̯̼̰͖̺̯͂̆ͮ̔̓̍ͨ̆ͮ̈́ͩ͐̃͛͌͌̈́͡S̡̛̞̮̹̱̮̻̹̝̬̬̠̭̲̪̲̺͇̦̤ͯ͐̓̓ͭ̊͒̊̏̄̾͘̕A̧̘̖̞͈͇͎͇͇͐̾͆̇̑͋̃̽͋͆̑ͭ͗̈́͋̐̚̕͜Ȳ̧͈͕̻̻̲͚̭̫̬̰̤̙̻̣̗̜̩̦̏̄-'**_

 

The sudden realization, ~~him~~  whatever that _thing_  is, it isn't Rockstar.

 

* * *

 

You tossed Lemon the keys to the bus. 

 

"How-?" He asked, "How the hell did you do that...?! It's five thirty, it's supposed to take way more time than that!"

 

You sighed, "I wasn't lying about my new abilities."

 

"I... I don't understand... Ghosts, wizards, all that stupid shit, it _can't_ be real..."

 

Quiet. He's searching your face to find a sign. Any sign that you're pulling some stunt, prank, ha-ha jokey joke. "... Jay... If he really does do all of this, all this hell you said he's caused to you. Why are you still trying to save him? Why go through all this effort to steal some dead dudes magic powers or whatever, fuck up the universe just to save one guy who wanted you to kill yourself too-?"

 

It's a bit of a dumb question, yet he holds _some_ reason.

 

"H-He can get help. I know this guy, I hated him. He's not evil...! He's just- It's fucking complicated, I have the knowledge of a strong dead wizard and it'd take days to explain effects of death and all that edgy bullshit. I also have a time limit, you're making me lose it."

 

Lemon looks down at his shoes, "... Alright. I-I guess I'll take your word for all of that. It's just so unbelievable, he sounded genuinely fine when I last saw him."

 

_Times change._

 

"Let me come with. You shouldn't do this alone, you know."

 

"Yeah," You nodded, "Thanks, Leo. Now, the next step we should take is to actually find Rockstar..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants any clarification on anything in particular within this universe, i'd be happy to respond to the best of my ability. i'm p vague about a ton of things in my stories so :P


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curses are a pain in the ass, I can tell you from experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i don't think dj will ever get a break

Rockstar always did end up hanging out at McDonald's. At first glance, anyone would be surprised that he didn't gain much weight from the many occasions he went here. Just turned out he threw them up afterward.

 

He looked tired.

 

His hair was messy, his grey eyes lacked any light in them. He held a worn notebook in his arms, keeping it close and guarded as if it was a baby. 

 

"Here you go, Rockstar," Kiwi settled down a Mcflurry cup by the little table sign before taking up the sign itself, "I assumed you wanted Oreos in your order since you weren't really specific on what you wanted."

 

Rockstar sighed, "It's fine." He takes the little plastic spoon and stirs the melting dessert.

 

Kiwi nods, his typical smile never wavering. It's as if he's too blind to see that his friend seems unhappy. It's not true. You know. You spoke to him, in the future, he _knew_ but he never said _anything_. This man only kept Rockstar around because he was the only tolerable constant customer that paid tips well. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

"Kiwi...?"

 

"Are you sure you're too busy to hang out with me? Even just for a short while? I can get us something to drink, just the both of-"

 

"I can't, Rocky," He responded, "I really need money. Roll has been taking my wallet again to go buy some equipment pieces... He says that I'll like what it is when he's done. And, well, I can't say no to a little cutie like him."

 

"I understand," Rockstar nodded, giving a smile, "Maybe some other time."

 

"Heh, I can only hope so, when I get outta here!"

 

Rockstar chuckles as he watches Kiwi leave to take another order. No 'see ya' or anything like that. You watched Rockstar's cheerful expression fall when he was alone again, finally deciding to take a scoop and eat his flurry.

 

His journal was held together by a bow, with a ribbon that had a neat little red and white peppermint pattern on it. 

  

Lemon looks over at you, "What's exactly _is_ your plan, DJ?" You don't know. Not yet. But you knew going straight forward without thought wouldn't result in anything positive.

 

"We wait. We wait until something happens."

 

"What kind of 'something'?"

 

You sighed quietly, "I don't know. All I need right now is patience."

 

Rocky was still quiet. He untied his book and slid a finger in a pocket of his, he takes out a blue pen. The one with a wooden moon.

  

_Screw-up,_

 

Right, when you knew he scribbled nonsense in frustration, he did just that.

_Little scrub,_

_Parasite,_

_Deserving abandonment,_

_Always living off of adornment,_

_Soaking praise in surplus,_

_Just to feel like you have a purpose,_

_Just to feel a little bit normal,_

_Haven't you already drained us all?_

 

His hand was trembling. His breathing is shaky. He bit his tongue with those acute teeth of his to keep himself from making noise. But those teardrops had already fallen onto the page.

 

Lemon got up from his seat, "Leo! What the hell are you doing?!" You whispered-yelled after him.

 

"I'm going to comfort him."

 

"Leo-! Leo, NO-!"

 

But his mind was already made up. He walked through the almost vacant restaurant and quietly stood next to Rockstar. Poor Rocky didn't notice at first, he dropped his pen, hands were already in his face, and crying so quietly like the many times he's done before. Lemon lifted a hand and gently laid it on Rockstar's back.

 

There's an instant response, Rockstar's whole body flinched, but he didn't quite seem to uncover his face still. "W-What do you want?" His muffled voice asked.

 

"It's me, Rocco."

 

Now his hands lowered. He uses the sleeves on his hoodie to wipe up his tears, and he looked up to the boy next to him.

 

His voice still always surprised you. For someone of his (past) career, you'd expect his voice to be loud and seductive like his singing voice. But, that wasn't quite the case.

 

Rockstar's soft voice continued, "Leo...? What are you doing here?"

 

"I heard you've been having problems... And I could smell your tears from the entrance of the door... So... I wanted to, uh, comfort you... Although, I'm not sure if I'm doing a good job at it..." He chuckled to himself nervously, getting the other to chuckle a bit with him.

 

"Hah... Well, this is such a surprise...!"

 

It was already too late for you. Everything's unpredicted at this point. You got out of your seat.

 

It took a bit of time walking over to these two. You couldn't believe it, you're actually going to talk to him. Rockstar. After all that he's done. Stuff that even he doesn't even _know_ he's going to do yet. All the curses, all these thoughts, this buzzing sensation in your fingertips. This _hell_ you're going through because of _him_. Because he was so angry at the world for treating him in such a way. And such anger manifested itself, only grew stronger and stronger and affected so many people the longer the world continued on without him. He meant something then, something unimaginable and chaotic. Something, even you with your new-found knowledge and power, could not decipher.

 

And yet. Here he was. So happy that an old friend, someone he never got along with very well in the first place... Has came over to comfort him. The little stars that seem to gleam in his eyes when he gave a positive noise. It was like his joy melted all your indignation away. Like _yes, this all was worth it._

 

_He was worth it._

 

"Rocco." You spoke. Voice much quieter than you wanted it to be.

 

His brightening eyes shifted to meet your figure, the small pupils have gotten slightly bigger, "O-Oh! Uhm, heya dork..."

 

Right. You still have that rivalry.

 

"Sup... Loser. Mind if we sit with you?"

 

"Not at all," He quickly moved his journal and Mcflurry aside, you sit with on the opposite side of him along with Lemon. Rockstar continued to watch himself awkwardly swirl his dessert. He doesn't know what to really say. Neither does Lemon since you see him casually stare at you, waiting for you to talk.

 

You took a deep breath, "I... We read your text messages."

 

Rockstar is silent again. He tries to avoid eye contact as if he's ashamed.

 

"You... You got me really worried about you, Rocco. When I read your messages... I had to drop everything to see you again. I wanted to know if you were alrig-"

 

"If you cared so much, then why didn't you just text me?" He whispered, irritated.

 

"I read them a bit too late. You-" Pause. Can't mention what happened then. He needs to say his intentions to you first. "I didn't know what to do, really. I never had situations like these. But, I couldn't shake this feeling that you were going to do something bad."

 

He looked down at his treat, "It's... It's a bit personal. I can't talk about it. Not here, anyway."

 

You suddenly felt a familiar feeling. That dread. Soft whispering, you can't make out what was said, but oh god, the voice shakes you.

 

Something is so, very wrong.

 

"... Then let's talk about it somewhere else," You suggest, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible, "I know somewhere that has some peace and quiet. I think it'll calm you a bit."

 

That joyful smile returned to his face, "I'd like that." Rockstar picked up his journal and pen, while Lemon grabbed his treat. "Oh, uh, you can eat it if you want. Don't worry, I'm not like, sick or anything." Lemon gave a small shrug in response.

 

Maybe it's your special sight. Maybe it's the powers you've stolen. But you undoubtedly see the figure of your curse, staring with those dead eyes, blank expression. Unnoticed by anyone but you and standing feet away from the man you're in the process of saving. Why, _how_ does it just follow like that?

 

_'Well, they don't call them curses for nothing.'_

 

_'what do you think you're doing?'_

 

You don't respond to it. Rockstar and Lemon got up from their seats, with you coming along just a little late.

 

_'did you fucking listen to me? what the hell are you doing?"_

 

"You two head out first." No objection from either of them.

 

_'you're wasting time and breath you goddamn fucking fool. can't accept me? pathetic. you're even worse than me.'_

 

Now you leave last, listening to the rage. It's expression still remained blank, but his tone was raging.

 

' _you're a damn fool. you'll never prevent me. i'm bound to you, liSTEN TO ME, JAY. I'LL NEVER LEAVE. I'LL **ALWAYS BE WITH Y-** "_

 

You shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Motherfucker™: *give edgy speech but gets cut off*
> 
> DJ: i'm rude now


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rockstar continues to cry for 25 minutes (not clickbait)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this is too long and probably the worst chapter of the entire story but here you go :3c
> 
> rockstar lore, nobody asked but i provided

Through memories, it was apparent he liked to calm down in gardens. Although it was beautiful, it wasn't a place that welcomed him to the highest of warm extents. To newer people, anyway.

 

"Goddamn groupies," Herb mumbled to himself, his stressed voice cracking a bit, "B-Back off! Please, I can't afford another mess up in my garden!"

 

"They're just friends, Herbert. They won't touch anything, I promise you that," Rockstar assured. His soft voice seemed to calm down Herb's worried expression.

 

He stepped back, "O-Okay. If you say so, Rockstar... Wait... Is that... DJ?" You nod. He brushes his dirty clothes in a fruitless attempt to get some dirt off, "Oh goodness! Hi-! Hello-! Oh god, I'm so messy-! Uh... I... I r-really love your work, DJ!"

 

"Thank you," You answer back with a chuckle, "I like your garden. It looks good."

 

Herb looked like he was going to lose it, but caught himself and tried to stay still, "It's not too much... But thank you! I-I'm gonna go back to my house, yell if any of you need anything." He awkwardly waves before running off into his home.

 

The garden had a nice amount of space. There's a flat rock path that led up to a bridge and a nearby fountain. Flowers, bushes, trees, all perfectly coordinated to please the eyes. The sound of water trickling from the fountain really added to it as well. No wonder he likes it here.

 

Now you're here. With Lemon and Rockstar... And that silent curse. Lemon looks over to you and sees that you're a bit nervous.

 

"It's alright," Lemon whispered, "I'm by your side."

 

_'You've gotten this far.'_

 

You take a deep breath. "Is this a good spot for you?"

 

"It's perfect," Rockstar responds with his eyes still never seeming to move away from you, "This is my safe spot. Herb was nice enough to let me hang out here."

 

Herb's conversation from your future. He kept going on about how horrible he felt about not helping his friend more, how he didn't see his friend getting worse and worse. He felt awful, and you were scared he might run and bash his head on a window. Thankfully, his grandma was there to comfort him.

 

Herb didn't care if Rockstar was a past celebrity, he was going to treat him the same way he did when Rocky didn't have a guitar and instead had a broom from the janitor's closet to mimic his wild dreams. And that was a long time ago... Highschool years, maybe.

 

Rockstar sat down by the fountain, crisscrossing his legs and keeping his notebook in his lap. Lemon and you sat along with him. There's a moment of awkward silence between, with the exception of Rockstar vigorously popping his fingers.

 

"S-Sorry, I'm a bit nervous." He says, trying to stop. 

 

Lemon went through his pockets and came up with his little Rubiks cube. It's only got four squares on each side, already all mixed up, "You can use my cube if you want." He handed over the cube to Rockstar, who held it carefully in his hands before twisting it a bit. It made a nice sounding _click_ noise.

 

"Thanks."

 

You took out your phone and checked that the time reads 5:59 PM.

 

_[5:59 PM] MUFFIN BOY: I'm happy... I'm happy. I'm happy._

 

It's awful that you remember every line of text from that future.

 

"What happened to you, Rocco? You... You don't have to answer right away, but..."

 

Click. Click.

 

"It's a long story."

 

Click.

 

"I'll listen to it all, from the beginning," You said.

 

Click.

 

Lemon nodded, "Me too. We have all the time in the world."

 

Click.

 

Click...

 

* * *

  

I used to live in the City of Wizards. It felt like eons ago, everything worked so differently there. Time goes by slower there. A minute outside the city would be like twenty minutes _within_ the city. Our rules there reached a complexity that almost all the children couldn't understand. And as much as you'd think so, Miss Moonlight didn't _really_ make the laws. She didn't do much for the city, except stay idle like a useless queen as others did her dirty work. Carefully taking children she saw with the 'rawest, monstrous power' to raise them to her standards. Sound great, right? It wasn't. 

 

Mother... Peanut Creme was so happy that the first star of her bloodline finally gotten chosen to be kidnapped by the Moon herself. Yes, I was literally kidnapped while I slept. It was normal. To me. To everyone. Didn't mean I liked it, however. I was fucking _five_ when I got taken away like that. _You should be grateful that our gleaming Moon will teach you her ways!_ She scolded me when I returned to her. I was practically sobbing. It's a bit fucked up to think, the one person in your life who's supposed to love you with all their heart, just... Yells at you for crying. And you're crying because someone snatched you up from your home. And you're told to _get over it._

 

I didn't exactly like Miss Moonlight. She treated me differently. Like she favored me, sometimes taking me out on these trips around the city with a little treat to shut me up. "You're just like the wizards of the past..." I remember she told me. I didn't really understand at that time. I guess I was like a pawn. Or a weapon. Something like that. I almost hurt her when practicing spells. Do you know how hard it is for a _mortal_ _being_ to hurt a _goddess_ like her?

 

I was a 'girl' to everyone, the girls there needed to mature quicker than men in every way possible. But I never quite felt like the title of a girl really fit me. A good friend of mine understood me and let me borrow his clothes. I played soccer with the local neighborhood boys... I didn't know what it meant then, but I liked when I was referred to as 'he', or 'him'. It was nice.

 

Peanut Creme wasn't so supportive of me, whatsoever.

 

 _I didn't raise a goddamn queer-looking tomboy,_ She was so livid, _You're being disgraceful to your own damn bloodline! Why can't you ever be a good fucking girl for **once**?_

 

Seven. I was seven when she spat those words to my face. Fucking _seven_. I shouldn't even _have_ to go get high school level teaching at this age!

 

Two years later, I'm sent away by Miss Moonlight to hunt down Lady Enchantress myself. Someone had predicted her return, blah blah blah. It was my job, with my crazy as shit magic to knock her out or something. I was sent out with a group of... 'False security'. They were like life-sized wind-up toys, supposedly made to keep me safe. I wondered why Miss Moonlight didn't come along with me. She said that if she had gotten touched by corruption, all wizards will fall. Even if I was taken by darkness, it wouldn't matter, because I wasn't important to anyone. I was then given a staff, and she forced me away. I didn't want to go.

 

I'll admit, I was happy to have my first ever staff. It was a sign that I've gotten so far to please my fallen ancestors, and now I could prove that I was not a waste of reproduction...

 

But, going so far, for my death? I still had too much to live for. But if I quit, I'd live with the guilt of being a coward. A disgrace to my own bloodline. Plus, I'd also be dead. So I kept going...

 

There were lots of pretty sights. It was nice. For a while. Sometimes I just run out of valuable items and end up passing out from the lack of nutrition. Oh well. I had to get over it. I ended up passing out more often than I liked. And my security didn't provide any use, other than to tell me that I had to keep going.

 

Where I found her, monsters roamed free like animals ruling the wild. I was scared, but the wind-up security threatened to chop my head off if I didn't do the deed. I did manage to escape them, and I looked around for anything, anything _edible_ to consume...

 

Then I tripped.

 

Fell down a hill.

 

I rolled on sharp twigs, my head and body hit many trees. I prayed to whatever hellish god in the sky to please help me, oh god, it felt like the wooden spoon and sharp bobby pins that Peanut would use on me.

 

And when it was finally over, I felt so weak I couldn't get up. I lost focus and drifted off...

 

... And woke up to a woman in elegant ruby red wear, watching me sleep. Her face features were soft and pleasant to look at, eyelashes so long they seemed like butterflies when she blinked. Her skin looked soft with such a beautiful brown color, and the jewelry she wore went along with her so well.

 

"Do not to be afraid, my dear. I have been sent to escort you." Her voice was so calming and comforting, like a way a mother should sound. I let down my guard.

 

"Wh-Where? By who?"

 

She gave me a warm smile, "Your prophecy, my dear."

 

I left with her. She leads me through many miles of scary territory. I never felt such safety with any adult ever up until that point. She gave me a Pomegranate to eat. 

 

"Little one, I know what your intentions are," She spoke, "You were sent here by the Lady of the Moon. How foolish she was to send a mortal of equal power of hers after my master instead of handling these problems herself."

 

"You mean..."

 

She nodded, I felt my stomach tighten. I was never told that my foe had servants. 

 

I heard rustling behind me, "I will not hurt you, child. That would be against her orders and... My morality. It is simply that we need to-"

 

From out the shadows and bushes, lifeless hands gripped at my wrists, arms, ankles, and legs. The ruby lady was even shocked.

 

I had stepped out of line. I left the wind-ups when I have been ordered not to. They were going to harvest me, I would lack a body to be able to fight my way out, I was scared as hell.

 

As I soon found out, the pomegranate I was given to eat was to 'reveal my dark side'. Sounds edgy, yeah. The process started to make my head throb. My eyes were shut tight as I cried out. Fear slowly melted to a feeling of anger. A sensation of something, searing hot and sharp in my head, channel down to my throat then my body, I lashed out like a rabid dog.

 

And when I was done, the ruby woman carefully calmed me down among corpses of mangled, lifeless junk. My hair had turned black during the whole ordeal. It was originally white, like my hair now.

 

She ran her dainty fingers through my newly colored hair, "Shhh, it's okay now, dear. Look, you saved yourself." I did. I did save myself. 

 

"Oh my, " A voice of another woman spoke, spiced with a devilish tone, "What happened here?"

 

The ruby lady turned to the direction of the voice and knelt down, "My Master, I have brought you the Banisher of all Darkness, the Savior of Light."

 

The description I've heard of her didn't quite match what I saw. She didn't have a witch hat. She had horns. Her skin was like lavender purple, not a reddish pale, she wore a black and red dress as opposed to a death-like robe. I was supposed to feel fear, she was the damn devil in the flesh. And yet at that moment,

 

I felt nothing.

 

The Dark Enchantress eyed me like a pitiful puppy. She used her own staff to lift my head up. "This is her?"

 

"Yes, master."

 

She looked surprised. "But she's so..." The Enchantress paused, staring in my eyes. Her staff was finally away from me, "How old are you, Child?"

 

"Nine."

 

She's quiet. I didn't think that the devil herself felt any kind of sympathy. But here she was.

 

"I was right. Prophecies are complete bullshit..." She dropped her staff as she went to grab both of my hands, "What's your name?"

 

"Vanilla."

 

"Vanilla, tell me, do you still intend on vanquishing me?"

 

"No," My response was flat, "But if I don't, I'll die."

 

The ruby lady walked over to me, showing affection by embracing me gently. "If you face these consequences, why bother to go back?"

 

I don't know.

 

"You were supposed to banish the darkness. But you're so full of it. Like you're made with it..."

 

"Do you want to go back?" The Dark Enchantress asked.

 

"No."

 

"Then leave them. You can stay here."

 

"I don't like it here."

 

She sighed in frustration, she tries not to sound too angry, "Then don't come back. Ever. Don't go back there, either."

 

I did as she told, the idea sounded so good to me. I never went back to that city or those scary woods with monsters.

 

* * *

  

Rockstar completed the cube and returned it back. The different shades of yellow were now perfectly stuck in their correct spots.

 

His voice shakes, he wipes his eyes of tears but they kept coming in like waterfalls.

 

"My hair stayed black for a while... And I ran. To a kingdom. Some folks there took me in and raised me there for a few years. Then the kingdom fell when the prince had suddenly vanished and I was forced to find a new home. I don't remember much about that part of my life, but..." 

 

Lemon looks over at you.

 

"I couldn't stop thinking about it all, the teachings, the prophecy, my bloodline, my failure... And when it all went away when I met Mint. He was so sweet, he promised me so much, and said I deserved it! B-But now..."

 

You shift to get a bit closer to him, your fingers barely ghosted over his jaw, yet he froze a bit. 

 

With tender intentions, you lift his chin upward, "It's okay, we're not here to judge you." You were quick to retract your touch from him. But he pulls your hand back. So you let him hold it.

 

"S-Sorry," He whispered, embarrassed, "I... I've been wanting to be touched for a while, now. Sounds weird, huh?"

 

Suddenly, without much of a warning, Lemon had already inched his way closer. From his distance, he rigidly threw his arms out and (while bumping into your arms a few times) wrapped his arms around Rockstar's waist. Not the best angle for him for sure, however, Rockstar still seems to appreciate it. He even thanked you both for being so willing to listen, to even bother touching him.

 

"I wish things could've gone better. I thought today was gonna be another clusterfuck of a day."

 

You're glad it wasn't so now, anyway. Rockstar tiredly rested his head on the crook of your neck. It was fine, it felt better there.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lemon asked, already quick to mix up his little cube.

 

"Sure."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's fucking 11:33 pm and i'm gonna die of heatstroke because there's no air conditioning here.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is @dearest-starboy
> 
> On the day I'm writing this, (April 13th, 2019): Happy Birthday, John Egbert. Your adventures gave me chlamydia and now I can't live with myself.


End file.
